51 Things New Jersey Should Never Do
by Bionic Egypt
Summary: I've made a list of things I shouldn't do! Man, I really should not mess with my siblings . . . 50 people against ya isn't good odds.


51 Things New Jersey Should Never Do

* * *

1.I won't give New York a girly makeover –I'll get hit with a baseball bat if I do.

2. I won't call California a fairy –Same for Massachusetts and Vermont.

3. I won't slap Snookie on live television –Dad will probably ground me for a month.

4. I won't dye Texas's hair pink –He has too many guns.

5. I will not call West Virginia an incest freak –Even though its totes true.

6. I won't call people who piss me off 'bastards' –That's Padre's job.

7. I'll never go into Carlos' Bakery and order one of everything –Even if I really want to.

8. I won't tell Virginia that Westie wants to become one with her –She'd actually believe me and I'd be yelled at when it turned out I was lying.

9. I'll never let Cal set me up on a blind date –I probably get paired with Tokyo . . . again.

10. I won't paint Ground Zero neon pink –Again, Nya would hit me with a bat. Ow.

11. I won't tell Uncle Eyebrows that he's going insane –Even if it's completely true.

12. I won't convince Dad that our house is haunted –He'd probably call the Ghostbusters . . . again. I had 'Who ya gonna call?' stuck in my head for a week.

13. I won't convince Idaho to slowly say her name in front of Uncle France –He'd get the wrong idea. Um, ew!

14. I'll never say the Yankees are better than the Red Sox in front of Mass –He owns a bat too. Who gave my siblings baseball bats anyway?

15. I won't hide Alaska from Dad and say Russia took him back –Dad would try to get Lasky back and would end up getting beaten with a lead pipe.

16. I'll never call Montana Hannah –The last person who did that couldn't walk for a week.

17. I won't ask Nya if Broadway will do a rendition of _High School Musical_ –I value my life too much.

18. I won't tell Uncle What's-his-name that Dad outlawed hockey in the US –He'd probably hit Dad with his hockey stick and feed him to Kuma.

19. I won't ask Florida to dress like Flo from the Progressive commercials –Even though it would be funny if she did.

20. I'll never ask Washington if I can meet the Cullens –I didn't like the movies anyway.

21. I won't ask Nevada if he has a gambling problem –He'd challenge me to a game of Blackjack, which I would epically lose.

22. I'll never purposefully ignite old feuds between by siblings –Dad would kill me for starting the second civil war.

23. I won't try to hook Dad up with anyone –Nya and Cal would kill me for taking over their jobs as Cupid.

24. I won't go up to Papa and tell him it's illegal to eat pasta in Europe –He'd have a mental breakdown and run crying to Germany.

25. I won't ask Nya how she dresses during Fashion Week –Even though I really wanna see how she looks.

26. I'll never convince Dad that he's really a vegan –I think he would die from starvation.

27. I won't ask China if he's a guy or a girl –I'm not sure I want to know the answer.

28. I'll never replace Russia's vodka with water –I really, really don't want to die.

29. I won't ask Denmark if I can use his battle axe –He might chop my head off, provided that he's drunk when I ask.

30. I won't insult any of my siblings' other parents around them –Once is more than enough. I still can't look at little Hawaii the same.

31. I won't talk to Prussia and mention my state capital –He's one creepy SOB, and I sure as heck ain't mention anything private to him.

32. I won't ask Russia if he can do ballet as well as his ballerinas –I'm scared to figure out what would happen if I did.

33. I won't tell Wisconsin that Dad banned cheese and other dairy products during the month of my brother's birthday –He'd probably go into a state of shock and we'd have to revive him.

34. I'll never try to convince my siblings that I'm Dad's fave kid –Even though its totes true. I'm the absolute fave in the family, duh.

35. I won't try to take the Statue of Liberty from Nya –I really don't like that stupid statue anyway. Uncle France should've made his artist guy realize not to use a metal that would change color eventually.

36. I'll never pretend to be 2p –Even if I really wanna freak my siblings and Dad out. They'd probably lock me up or something.

37. I won't tease Flo and Dad about what my sis's state looks like –Baaaaaad images, very bad images.

38. I won't tease Tex about also being Dad's glasses –Especially since Tex and Dad don't normally get along so well.

39. I won't tell Pennsylvania that Tex is a better sharpshooter than he is –Penn has just as many guns as Tex, and I really don't wanna get shot.

40. I won't tell Georgia that her peaches suck –Again, I really don't want to get murdered by one of my siblings.

41. I'll never burn a Steven King book in front of Maine –She'd probably figure out how to stick me inside one or something and I'd end up in a friggin horror movie.

42. I won't tell Cal that Hollywood's movies suck –Hollywood's are the only movies that really play in the US.

43. I won't call Tex a freaky loner for being the Lone Star State –Though last week I saw him talking to a teddy bear about one of the other states.

44. I won't make fun of Tex for losing his teddy bear (aka Alamo) to Spain all those years ago –Spain can be a BAMF if he wants to be, even if he is a tomato bastard.

45. I'll never ask Padre if he likes Spain –I don't feel like getting cussed out by my father.

46. I won't make fun of the southern states' accents –They'd just turn around and make fun of me for mine.

47. I won't bring a _Monopoly: World Edition_ game to a world meeting –Even though I'd love to see the looks on the countries faces when they're bought and sold in a game.

48. I won't tease Japan by making up random crap and pretending its Japanese then teaching it to people –Same goes for Chinese.

49. I'll never tell New Mexico that the Roswell Incident was just a weather balloon –Both he and Dad would get severely ticked at me.

50. I won't demand to know why Uncle What's-his-name gave us Justin Beaver –It's more like Jocelyn Beaver, but whatever. Tomato, tomato (that doesn't really translate in type. Oh well.)

51. I won't help D.C. try to become a state instead of just a district –That would be way too much work for a brother I don't really talk to. (Because he's three.)

* * *

**That's all folks! If you're wondering why it was exactly 51 things she shouldn't do, that's because America has 51 kids, including D.C. (at least in me and my friend's headcannon). I hope you liked this. Thanks for reading!**

**~C**


End file.
